JUNE 23rd MOST UNFATEFUL DAY IN OUR LIFE

Today is the day I cannot forget in my life. Today is the day my Sushmi went in to coma. She went into another world. I   just don't want to share my grief with anybody. My son's marriage is fixed on december 12 th. I got my car exchanged and got a new car. This things does not matter anymore although I am happy for my son. He has almost got the job but not 100 percent.

YOU ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT GOD HAS EVER GIVEN

I look into your eyes each morning and thank God you are mine. Not only  you are my beginning you are my end of time. I could never have imagined my heart to feel this amount of love and pride you gave me so much to live for, You are the reason I wake up each day, you are what makes my life worth living, You are the most precious gift God has ever given.

ASSURING MOTHER I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER

Mother went for check up once again. Gastro doctor told her she has to take steriods to fight liver problem. But that would increase diabetes. So insulin dosage and number has to be increased. She suddenly looked weak. I assured her that everything would be allright. I would stand by her no matter what the situation is. I am doing everything for Sushmitha and I would do anything and everything for her. I am ready to bath her and wash her and clean her incase she is bed ridden not that she will be. I told her that she has done everything for us. She sacrificed many things. She reared  cows. She stiched dresses and gave the tailoring money to me which I will never forget.Daddy was working in a bank and we were middle class. During my marriage mom went groom searching herself. During my second sisters marriage she gave up her evey jewellery because her marriage took place immediately after mine. After my Child Sushmitha went to coma it was mummy who supported throught. Sometimes she is very frank and very outspoken and sometimes this hurts. But she is very strong woman and may the difficulties she faced single handedly made her srtrong and harsh Even Anitha my sister sent one lakh rupees and told her she would not worryfinancially. Even I told her I would also help her and I did even though she was reluctant to accept any favour. Now it is my turn mummy.

MOM HAVING LIVER CIRRHOSIS AND ME DIAGONISED WITH HAVING DIABETES

There is no end to difficulties we are facing. God is not tired of testing. First mom got sick. She had internal bleeding and high diabetes. when tested she was found to have portal hypotension and liver cirrhosis. She was admitted in hospital. Endoscopy was done. There was slight problem with liver doctors told. Additionally there was portal hypotension. These  were the consequences of having high sugar they told. At home suddenly I was not able to go out. Mom used to cook in the mornings and afternoon. Suddenly I had to prepare breakfast and lunch. Helpers were not co-operative. At this time my husband helped me with cooking because mornings I have duties with Sushmitha which I cannot escape. I start with brushing her teeth. Then doing mouth exercises. I give her coffee orally then followed by giving lollipop and sugarcane to bite. Lollipop is good for tongue movements and sugarcane for teeth and facial  muscles. Then I give her standing for fifteen minutes then I put her on prone which gives hand weight bearing and neck control. Other wise hand muscles start going waste. Then my sister flew down from Hyderabad for a day visit. She tried to help my mother as much as possible. She brought a diabetes check kit. when she tested me I was found to have diabetes. I went to blood clinic and did fasting glucose and three months total blood sugar test AINC and there again I had high sugar. I am very fond of sweets and I don't know how I can live without sweets.

OH MY DEAR SON I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU TILL ETERNITY. I LOVE AS MUCH AS I LOVE SUSHMITHA

I never want anything in life anymore. I have the award for lifetime. I have always tried and put forth efforts in every relationship as a mother, as a daughter,as a wife. I get reprimanded everytime. It hurts me me because when you are genuine and when what you want is just recognition of your work it matters.

           So when I found today words written by Anil(son) on the wall " You are wonderfull mom. I love you. He had written these when he came to karkala last time. I felt I got the award I wanted.I got tears in my eyes. My heart was full.I can face any difficulty.Oh my dear son you are far away studying but I miss you and love you both(sushmitha and you) till eternity. I miss you so much I see you in every person of your age. 

I BELIEVE WE NEED NOT GO TO TEMPLE TO SEE GOD. WHENEVER YOU HELP A PERSON IN DIFFICULTY YOU ARE PERFORMING POOJA.

I like to work for a cause. I don't believe in going to temples to see God. Because I feel God dwells in the heart of human beings and whenever you help a needy person you are performing a pooja.God does not need a golden door. Whenever I see any person who is in difficulty I try to help them as much as I can. Because I know how helpless a person can be in their difficulty.My kitchen helper was not well. I took her to hospital and found that she had high sugar level also also her chest X-ray showed she had sever chest infection. I got her treated. Doctor told her to come daily so that he can check her sugar level and bring it down. Next there was another girl who needed dental treatment. I took her to KMC Manipal because root canal treatment in karkala very costly. About 3000 for one teeth. She had many cavities and fill ups.I  feel whenever a person stays with us then they are our children and our responsibility. But they don't feel the same regard. They have hurt me many times and I have always forgiven them whether they are nurses or my mother.
Sometimes when I go to some function and have lunch I remember Sushmitha and feel sad. I see children of Sushmi's age and feel some kind of heart ache.