DIFFICULTY IN PUTTING RICE TUBE

There was difficulty in putting the rice tube. She bled from the nose and I don't know where she was hurt. It seems there is no end to her misery and pain. Karkala Venkataramana please why are doing this? This is not fair.

GOOD RESPONSE TO MUSIC AND DIFFICULTY IN SEEING RIGHT AND NOT RESPONDING TO COMMANDS SUDDENLY AND RETURN OF OLD NURSE FOR 4 MONTHS

I am happy. I can atleast relax a bit for months. Otherwise my schedule was so tight that If I have to go out for some reason I had to rearrange my schedule and hurry up everything. I start the day with swallowing then commands then photoseeing then mirror then showing visual toyhen do the standing in tilting table then giving nubilisation then giving passive movements then give the streches. By then it will be noon. Then taking lunch and taking bath and allowing the nurse to do the same. Then making her sit out and giving stimulations so that she notices whatever we do. We call from up, from the window, we give her music( which she gives very good response),She notices people going in the road( in old house), she notices vehicles going, notices what is kept in stool(food). Now her left two teeths have been removed by dentist so biting is difficult from left side. Suddenly whenever she coughed she used to do pass little bit of motion. I became worried. Doctor Pushpa Kini prescibed Tablet Entogermina for four days. Now she is much better. And now she is more awake. Today she was awake from eight morning to seven evening. She is improving on awareness of surroundings but declining in obeying commands. She sometimes looks at food on the stool. Anil's engagement is fixed on december 22nd. And since Mallika has come back I think I will concentrate on that a bit. Sushmitha is my top priority but I cannot neglect my son either. I hope atleast he will be happy in his life. For that now he need to concentrate on his education an not on marriage.

YOU HAVE FOUGHT FOR YOUR LIFE TO BE WITH ME AND I WANT TO JUSTIFY IT BY BEING WITH YOU ALL MY LIFE

I never knew being a mother is so wonderfull. She has been to hospital and come back. She looks alert. I feel so happy. She laughed at me today. For the last 2 months she had lot of choriformas movements. she surely had lot of discomfort. When I approached Dr Pushpa Kini she first tested her for urine infection and she had it. She prescribed antibiotic sepmax for ten days. Still the movements didn't stop and Dr Pushpa Kini told me she wants to start medicine serenace. But Sushmitha should be hospitalised since the medicine epival ( for fits) and serenace(for choriform movements) are not friendly. It might increase fits so she want to observe for three days. We admitted Sushmitha on 14nth and tablet serenace was started. And I think the change or the medicine did much good to her. She was awake and alert in hospital. I think the change in atmosphere is what did good to her. She was sleeping in side and she started noticing our movements. Girija our nurse was making papaya juice. First she cut it and later put in mixer. She was noticing everything. and coming back home I saw her to be more a wake and morew alert. Today when my husbads friend Gopalkrishna gave command amma nodu she correctly turned to look at me. This she did for two or three times.

SUSHMITHA HAS A LOT OF COUGH REFLEX(UNWANTED MOVEMENTS)

Sushmitha has lot of cough reflex(piriformas movements). She looks like she is in lot of discomfort. I am not able to do anything to lessen her discomfort. Before in sidelying she used to feel better. But now it doesn't seem like that. She is unable to do the swallowing nor can she concentrate on commands. r I took her to Dr Pushpa Kini. First when I reached Manipal Dr Prashanth, Dr Yogish, Dr Raghuvanshi, Dr kashyap examined Sushmitha and informed Dr Pushpa Kini about Sushmitha's condition. She came immediately examined Sushmitha and told me there is nothing to worry and it looks like it is some form of piriformas movements. She told me that since Sushmitha's weight has also increased She will increase levera morning dose from one tablet to two. It will take care of unwanted movements she told. But she told me to get her shunting checked once. Not that she fears anything is wrong. But it has been one and half years( after shunting) so better get checked once. Immediately I called Dr Muralidhar Pai and I got a appointment on !3nth august(friday) in the afternoon.We took her in car eventhough it takes more tha one hour. He came and examined her and assured me there was no problem in shunting at all. Then he saw Sushmitha in discomfort and i told him this is the only problem I have now.He told me that he wants nurologist to examine Sushmitha and then neurologist Dr Shivanand Shenoy and Dr Rakshith ( Who have already seen Sushmitha in Manipal). They told Sushmitha has Piriformas movements which are because of brain damage. They prescribed tablet serenace. They told me to take half tablet twice daily and report to them after fcifteen days,

AWARE OF HER ENVIRONMENT

Sushmitha has started responding. She notices somebody passing or somebody talking in wisper or somebody going upon the stairs. She follows mirror. When we rotate mirror she rotates her eyeballs. She sees the photos of Amma(Mother), Appa(Father), Sushmitha(herself), Mavae, Swathakka, Azzi(Grandmother) correctly. I always call her while I go upon the stairs. Now if she hears my voice she searches . She sees visual toys. She eyetracks them.Very good response to Amma Nodu ( Look at mother). Yesterday I stood in differnt directions but still she looked at me when look at Mother command given. She has improved in swallowing. and mostly she takes about one to one and half glass of rice.She looks at the food with stool. When she hears music she follows the instument and eyetracks them. Turns neck and turns leg sometimes. Her right side vision has improved. She does good eye contact when we talk. Whn we took her in car she was looking both directions. I am happy.

BITTU YAKE HODE(WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME)

Sushmi, Today( on june 23rd) is the day you went into coma. I can no longer hear you say amma. But I will try to do justice for you by being with you as much as I can. Your dresses will remain the place they were. Your school bag which you made ready for going to school that unfatefull day is still in our bed room. Today I will ask you god to return my baby for me. It will take him one minute to do one miracle. My husband has gone to Bangalore on some work. I don't know how much I can improve her But one thing I know I will never give up. I know I cannot do this alone and we need lot of finances also. because these physiotherapy sections are becoming very costly. It is 300/hour. But physiotherapy is the most important one also. She is nowhere stiff. We make her sit and stand. we give streches. We give neck exercises, jaw exercises, we give auditory stimulations. Kanaka madam from speech has taught me oral exercises which improve her swallowing. She has taught me to give commands and to give eyetracking for toys. She tells me I have to take her out atleast once a week which I am doing. I am also asked to show photos of family members. Even that she was giving good response but now it has been diminidhed

LOOSE MOTION AND SORE BUMS

Sushmitha had severe loose motion. She passed watery stools almost 10 times a day. As a result her bum became very sore and reddish. We applied siloderma but still it worsened. Dr pushpa Kini put her on antibiotics sepmax. She passed urine so mom suggested till urination is there I need not worry. Sometimes I get very much worried for Sushmitha and the minute I open up with Dr Pushpa Kini she gives me correct solution to my problem. Same is the case with Anitha. They both understand me very well. I cannot do the stimulations. I bought a new mobile and it has memory card in it. I wish in Sushmitha's brain also if it was possible to bring her memories back by putting memory card. I sometimes get worried thinking what other difficulties future has in store for me. I know mom supports me by being in my house even though she is reluctant to personally supervise Sush. I don't know what i will do without her. Sushmitha is becoming older and the nurses who come to treat her feel it difficult to lift her.

SLEEPING EXCESSIVELY

Sushmitha is sleeping excessively these days. I am not able to give the stimulations. I feel very helpless. So photoseeing and giving commands I am not able to do from past three days. Upon that mummy keeps nagging servants for no reason at all. If only she had given me support. Nobody is happy at home. Servants threaten they leave the job. Mummy will not understand. She likes some people and supports them even if they are wrong. She doesn't like some people and she does not like anything they do. Our house keeper laxmi is very good in lifting the child and leaves aside her work to help Sushmitha but mummy does not like her. Atleast she can adjust for Sushmitha.

SUSHMITHA FALLS FROM CANE CHAIR

Physiotherapyst Pranay made her sit in the cane chair and while swinging round and round (for vestibular stimulation) the rope got cut and Sushmitha fell straight to the ground along with cane chair. Luckily nothing happened . Here mom nags much these days. So servant Laxmi wants to go home. Actually she is very good in house work and if i call her she will come immediately to help sushmitha. She is good in lifting sushmitha and good in physiotherapy also. I told mom I see one bucket which is half filled with water and while I see it half full she sees it half empty. Now if she goes on finding fault nobody is perfect. One minute she starts nagging and next minute she will be nicely talking but she will be talking so rudely i don't want to connect. I fee; very difficult to concentrate on sushitha at this stage

IMPROVING ON HEAD CONTROL

Today Physiogtherapist Pranav Jindal put her on on swiss ball and she held her head very well. I am very happy. I hope we can maintain the head control. But I am worried because suddenly her body looks warm sometimes. But when checked there is no fever. Kavitha my younger sister has come home for holidays. I was having difficulty in loving other children. But he keeps calling me Mavae, see this do this, I cannot stop myself.

IMPROVES IN SWALLOWING

She almost takes one feed by mouth now. That is 160ml.Today she nicely bit sugarcane and made sipping sound-sound we make when we drink juice. Sometimes she drinks cofee making sound. She brings tongue out to get its taste.
But sleep wake cycles are disturbing her sleep. She sleeps mostly in day time and remains awke at night. Sometimes she gets cough and she takes her head up but cannot bring it back. I feel sorry for her then. but she is noticing small events now. She notices when prosoyal is bring put. She is disturbed if we are giving command and somewhere else she hears a conversation. She even saw my husband when he sat on sofa seeing photos. But suddenly on 13nth may she developed fever and her respiratory rate was high. I was worried and we immediately took her to Manipal. There our doctor Dr Pushpa Kini checked sushmitha and told us not to panic and everything will be allright. she put her on antibiotics Ceptum for seven days. Nows her assurance has given me the strength to go back home because I know in case of emergency I can always go there.

NEW PHYSIOTHERAPYST pRANAV JINDAL TELLS ME TO FOCUS ON STIMULATIONS WHICH SHE GIVES RESPONSE

Pranav Jindal new physiotherapyst tells me to focus on stimulations which I think can bring a response from Sushmitha. I tell him she looks at food items like jam when it is brought. He tells such stimulations should be increased. She is more aware of sounds and sound now. She looks at me in a peculiar way. If two people are holding a conversation she is more aware now.She looks at people more.

Mom Is Angry

Now nurse Mallika has left. The nurse who has come has trouble doing the standing and lifting. So I call the house-keeping staff Laxmi for assistance. But this makes mom angry. Laxmi is afraid because it makes mom angry. I asked mom that since for standing we need help can watering the garden can be done at 3 o"clock but she tells me they dry if it is left so soon so she will water herself. and then she told Laxmi not to water the plants anymore because she is going to do herself. I cannot do these things alone and if I call them it makes mom angry. If I give feed by mouth that makes her angry too. Mummy does not like me trying for my child. Anitha tells while I want to try everhything for my child mom thinks otherwise. She thinks I am simply troubling her. Now physiotherapist Watson sir is not coming and in his place Pranav Jindal is coming. My friend Malini told he is very good and cured many patients and his speciality is rural rehabilitation. He stated using muscle stimulator for mobility. He tells he can undrestand my concern for Sushmitha but if we constantly hold Sushmitha's head she will not get neck control. He told me to order Tilt table for standing. Sushmitha has this coughing sensation all the time and now she has sound with the coughing sensation. I want to concentrate on Sushmitha but ther is no happy atmosphere in the house. I constantly remind myself of a mobile message send by my cousin " A strong woman is one who inspite of all the difficulties still tells I am okay". I look at my child and say I wiil bear anything for you. You are mine and I will never let you go. The thought that you can recognise as a mother is enough for me to spend my lifetime. Sometimes I am afraid of tomorrow. My husband is facing lot of tensions in his business. One of his worker fell from the roof when we took contract of some construction work. He was not wearing the safetybelt. Now is struggling between life and death. He has a deceased child. My husband tells that makes him morally weak.

AMMA NODU COMMAND(LOOK AT MOTHER) OBEYIBNG AND DRINKS FROM STRAW 24 TIMES

Today nurse Mallika gave command Amma nodu(look at mother) and she gave a good response by looking at me. I am very much happier today. She also drank from straw 24 times. Only thing I am worried is about her stiffness in the left limb and scoliosis of her back Watson Sir should have taken care about these things but his visits have lessened and he does his usual standing and chest PT only.

ILLI NODU & MOUTH OPEN ON COMMAND

ILLI NODU & MOUTH OPENING ON COMMAND

DIARRHEA AND VOMITING AND RESPIRATORY PROBLEMS

Sushmitha had vomiting and diarrhea in the middle of night. She vomited at 11 PM. Then again she vomited at 12 PM. Vomiting was followed by diarrhea. When again she vomited third time I immediately called for ambulance Suraksha. I just had time for packing my bags. I packed lot of clothes. I called Anil and told him to inform paediatric department in Manipal and to be present there when we arrive. When we reached it was 1 am. They told we have to get her IV line for glucose injection through drips. It almost took them an hour to get her IV line.Ater reaching there also she vomited and also she passed loose stools also.She also had respiratory problem which I cme to know only on reading discharge summary. By morning vomiting stopped but loose stools was there. Even her sleeping pattern changed after we shifted to hospital. On sunday we were discharged.

kANNU MUCCHU( CLOSE YOUR EYES) COMMAND OBEYING AND LOCKING LEFT LEG WHILE STANDING

Now when command give to close the eyes she is obeying. She is also nicely seeing photos of mine and husbands. Her swallowing is more better. sometimes 80 ml feed taken by mouth. when she starts coughing we stop. Hence teeth biting is reduced. But sometimes there are lot of involuntary movements. She sees outside sometimes. Neck control is also better. But today her head had slipped from the pillow and we saw only after much time. How it might have pained her. Once I took her near the school and while shifting I was about to fall. I didn't notice the gap between car' road and steps. Our driver Sandeep came rushing as if god sent and caught hold of Sushmitha. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to Sushmitha. I would have forgiven myself. Of all the relationships I find my relationship with Sushmitha is the most beautifull. My husband just doesn't need me. Whenever I go to our bed room i hear him praising other women. My mother does not like my trying for Sushmitha. I think my janumada gelathi sister is busy. That leave only doctor Pushpa kini by my side. As long as she is there like god I will survive. Even physiotherapist Dr Watson is busy these days. He is the vice principal and he has also taken another case. But she was responding to him very nicely. Even the nurse Mallika who was giving commands to Sushmitha is leaving the job. You have no one but yourself.