I WANT TO DESTROY THE WHOLE WORLD

God you didn't give me a normal child. Did I complain you ever? Then why did you make her go through so much pain.I hate other children. I dont believe in you anymore.Now I know who cares for me really. Sushmitha used to adore her father. he seems to have no time for her. He is busy in pooja's and he tells it is done for her sake only.Anil seems emotional but he is also busy. My mom also didn't want Sushmitha. But there I was wrong. I went to Mangalore today . I went at 2PM .and came back within 5pm. Now physio Shruthi comes for physio. She gives hot and cold water for stimulation. She makes her sit unaided. With minimal support to head and shoulders so that she aquires shoulder control. She has a bit of swaloowing. So she gives sugar water for taste.Anitha feels this all is going very far in the sense this all is too much for her. so Anitha tells I am selfish so I want her to get well for my sake. But it may not be the same with her. May be she does not want to talk or walk. She might be too tired.So anitha tells her now what is more important is her comfort. Yeah I admit I am selfish. I waznt her. But I want her comfort too. help me maintain balance of both.

FOR THE WORLD YOU MAY BE SOMEONE BUT FOR ME YOU ARE THE WORLD.

DOES SHE HAVE LANGUAGE COMPREHENSION?

I had 2 nurses to look after Sushmitha. Now both are leaving the job permanently. My brother in laws son got married. Sushmitha would have enjoyed the family function. She likes being in stage.How she liked the dancing onschoolday. I sometimes feel she can understand somethings. Like when Anitha told to look at your mom she she shifted her gaze towards me.We were in hospital on 6th. So when i asked we will go home she said ha. when coming back from ambulance I asked her should I hold you tightly she nodded her up and down as if she wants to say yes. Today mom told her i want u and nobody else she again told ha.

whether in coma stage it is advisalble to move in wheel chair

Day after tomorrow is my brother in law's son's wedding. World looks so boring without you. I don't want to go anywhere specially for the functions. I cannot die I cannot live.My husband is so busy that he cannot share his pain with me.She would have surely enjoyed the wedding.She would have been so happy.I would have surely brought her a nice drees, she would have certainly looked very beautiful. The physio works very hard. Surely the pressure is more with Sushmitha. I get afraid. like in coma stage whether it is advisable to move her in wheel chair without neck control.whether

I want to thank all doctors of Sushmitha

sometimes i feel nobody understands me except for Anitha my sister and her doctors Dr Pushpa Kini and Dr Muralidhar Pai. In the middle I had a breast cyst and there again doctors are nice. Why cant you be nice too o god?

why god? I never complained to you when you never gave me a normal child. she used to have fits regularly.In school she had difficulties in studing and writing. But each day she got better and I thought it was because I worked for special children without any selfishness on my part.I thougt if I am good I will get all the good things in life. but now you pushed her to coma stage and I will never forgive for this. You come in front of me.I am not asking for boon but I want to slap you for what you did to my child. But atleast you gave me financial support and thanks for thatWhy

The physiotherapist is good . She is minimally concious now.but i know i cannot hope much. At the same time i should give up either. I want her to say amma once.My husband has altered the house according to vasthu. but that wiill not bring my baby back.