SUSHMITHA EATING SUGARCANE

HAUNTED BY MEMORIES

There are some days in which memories of Sushmitha keep haunting my mind. There is a box in which bangles of Sushmitha are kept. There is a purse in which earrings of Sushmitha are kept. On sunday there was my brother in laws daughters wedding. I wore grand saree and attended the wedding. I was talking and laughing. But inside my heart was crying. After coming back I feel like crying for no reason. It is so difficult sometimes when you want to be alone and cry and you cannot.Since my old nurse was quitting I had appointed a new nurse. But now she does not want to say. She says mom keeps her nagging whole day. She does not get along with mom. I don't know why mom has become so much unbearable. She does cooking taking the help of helpers. She is detached towards Sushmitha. If mom continues to be like this soon I will have no helpers. No body will want to stay. Very difficult woman. Today Sushmitha ate sugarcane very nicely recordings of which I will be putting in my blog soon. Today she drank papaya juice also in glass without much cough. She was awake whole day. Today photoseeing was also very good.

SUSHMITHA HAS CHORIFORM MOVEMENTS AGAIN

Sushmitha has started having choriform movements again. When I reported the matter to Dr Pushpa kini she told to wait and watch for sometime. Now she eats sgarcane nicely. Gets distrbed by somebody passing when command given. Yesterday I was recorsing in camera and she was looking at camera. Now her right side vision is better. But she has a problem while eating rice. She gets cough. Sometimes when hand movements given moves both legs and takes bodysideways. Mostly on the right. Clears throat loudly. Another fine aspect in her is whenever she urinates or passes stools she opens her eyes and goes back to sleep. I heard some people are not aware of that. In our new house our hall is wide and since her bed is in the hall it is good for her visual stimulations. she can see people coming and going. She can see people coming down the stairs. Sometimes she passes motion while coughing but now it has been three days and today is fourth day and after consulting Dr pushpa kini We gave duphalac rectal supository. and then today she passed motion.

I WANT TO BE WITH YOU EVERY HOUR EVERY MINUTE EVERY SECOND

I have stopped going to functions. But there is one thing whicxh is very near to my heart apart from Sushmitha. That is going to Chethana Special School- which is a school for the handicapped children. I Feel very relaxed after coming back from there. Today there was a meeting. After coming back from there Laxmi (nurse) brought Sushmitha's feed and she wasw serarching for a stool. So I told her till she brings the stool I will hold the feed. When I touched the feed it was very hot. She told me only the vessel is hot but the feed is not. I told her it very hot and it is not the vessel but also the feed. Even the rice tube can melt and surely when the feed passes the tube Sushmitha will have lot of discomfort. She told me it was Ratna who has prepare. I didn't make a issue because mom whould have shouted at Ratna and there was already clash between the tube. But I don' t how many such circumstances Sushmitha has to face. That is why I go running and try to come back soon. Atleast I wish mom could take interest in Sushmitha in my absence. Even she is deteriorating in commands an photoseeing. I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU sUSHMITHA EVEN WITH GOD. She remains awake at night. She gets cough while swallowing. today I felt she has a difficulty over swallowing. But one relief is she bites sugarcane nicely and she brings her tongue out for lollipop. She loved eating.

ANITHA TELLS THINK NOT LIKE A MOTHER BUT AS A HUMANBEING

Yesterday I was speaking to my sister Anitha about Sushmitha. And She told me always she tries to think about Sushmitha in all angles. She tells me just Geethakka imagine yourself in that situation. Don't think like a mother but as a humanbeing caught in that situation. It is so frustrating and so very difficult. Not being able to express what you feel. I tell her sometimes she does the photoseeing so well. It makes me think surely she can recognise some persons. Anitha tells humanbrain is something which nobody has understood so far. When I put forward this view even Dr Pushpa Kini agreed with us. She tells sadly there is no instrument to measure how much a person can percieve. sometimes they can percieve some things but they cannot express. Anitha tells there is nothing I can do now. No choice. I CAN JUST SEE THAT SHE IS TAKEN WELL CARE OFF.