I WANT TO BE THE BEST DAUGHTER AND BEST MOM

I want to be the best mom and best daughter because at this  point these two relationships need me the most. Being a good mom I cannot manage alone. These physiotherapies, lifting and shifting Sushmitha to give bath and make her stand in order to improve circulation and brushing Sushmitha's teeth nearly three times. I feel personally what a caretaker can gift a patient is good bath which relaxes the patient and also helps to reduce infections. Also giving the standing in order to improve blood circulation. Giving hot (warm) water to drink also helps her to bring out the secretions which are common in bed ridden patients. My favaorite caretaker of Sushmitha Laxmi left the job. She was more than a mother to Sushmitha.  I felt as if a part of me was taken of. But She never understood me or my love for her. But She did her job very nicely and I want to help her in her marriage( part of which I have already done).

I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU MOM

Mom has fluid collection in her stomach and legs. I think she is now in fourth stage of liver cirhosis.

   They did tapping 3,4times to remove extra fluid. she was given intravenous albumin injections.I suspect she has spontaneous bacterial pertitontis.She was prescribed antibiotics noroflox and my cousin told me doctor told it cannot be discontinued. Doctor also told mothers condition was complicated and urine tube was blocked. so she has only 3 months. But mom is very strong and doctor told he has not seen a woman like this. she was very brave and She is in lot of pain now but not at all complaining. I want her to live longer but she was telling the doctor whatever you can do it is ok. Other wise if  you tell me to go else where I will not. But Anitha was telling that mom has no picture of her present condition so we should decide what is good for her. Now again there is question as to whether she should live longer ( with all these tapping and stunting) or whether we should not make her suffer more. That means making her suffer less and doing whatever we can. She was telling that she does not want liver transplant because if it is not successfull then she will die.

             I realise that nobody can love you like your mother. her love is unconditional. She shouts. She yells. But she loves. Not even your husband loves you so much.

MOTHERS HEALTH CONDITION GETTING WORSE

Mom is a very strong woman. Even liver cirhosis seemed not to be effecting her. She was cooking, going out doing my bank jobs and other works. I was concentrating on Sushmitha alone. Now she seems to have fluid accumlation in the leg and stomach(ascites). She was given direutics daily. She seemed to get better so they lessened the tablets. Again now there is more accumlation and she is sleeping all day. She has stopped taking eggs which is very important for hr liver problem. She has lost apetite and taste. She forgets things now. I don't know what to do. She used to shout and get mad at people still she was a strong rock like support to me. I feel so helpless not being able to anything. I am seeing to her diet so that she has all the foods she should eat. She is restricted from all the salty foods and only limited amount of water to drink. 

MY PRECIOUS ANGEL

From the day that you were born and I held you very close,

 I knew in my joyful heart that you are my precious angel.

You are you my precious angel.

and I love you my special little girl.

O God, please remember that it is my little girl's birthday.

Memories don't go away

Year's don't take away the joy you have brought

or the sadness I feel to see you like this.(bed ridden)

I miss your voice, 

I miss your laughter, 

O baby can you hear me?

I hope there is a miracle.

Get well soon and we will play.

with all your toys and friends all day.

You will have so much fun.

I'll make sure there is lots of sun.

You will chose what to do.

My heart still aches with sadness.

My silent tears still flow.

No one really knows.

My mind is filled with thoughts of you.

they say that life is a healer,

and that life has to go on.

But my life will never be the same again
I promise to be always on your side
Until the final breath I take
No matter how old you are I am.

I want to be the best mom I can be to you. 

You mean the world to me.

happy Birthday.

GOD WHERE IS JUSTICE IN YOUR COURT

Read about Aruna Shanbhage's passing away after being in coma for 42 years. So much suffering her body must have endured I just cannot imagine.The person responsible for her condition was left free after imprisonment for 7 years only. God where is justice in your court.

GETTING TOO MUCH SLEEP

There is renovation going on the Sri Venkataramana Temple and my husband is one of the committee members of renovation commitee. I didnt go to any of the temple functions because it takes a lot of time. My husband taunted me saying because you don't believe in God these things happen. I told him. God is everywhere and I need not go to temples to please God that is what my mom believed and I believed too. Before Sushmi's coma stage I used to go to temple to sing bhajans and I loved doing so. Now if i leave Sushmi and sing Bhajans I feel god will not like it. our Karma itself our God.
I am getting too much sleep these days.I cannot control my sleep at all.

 

WHAT WILL I DO

There are many changes in our life. My son got married. But Sushmithas condition remains the same.Future looks very scary to me. My husband always so  busy with his social work he is not at all concentrating on business.He is not in the shop at all.why he is not worrying for Sushmitha I don't know.What will I do?