EVERY DAY WE ARE ONE DAY CLOSER TO GRAVE

Now I have crossed fifty. I may have 10 or 15 more years. Every day we are one day closer to grave. I want to die without telling goodbye to anybody. Because that is how my daughter suddenly diappeared from my life. I am seeing my mother suffering everyday .She is going through so much pain. Everyday there is a new problem.Sushmitha is not suffering any less. Now there is another addition to the patients list. My brother in law is also diagnised to have liver cirhosis. He had liver binding done.Here in business also there is much downhill. Money is not coming in at all. there is busines only if we give credit. those who pay do lot of discount . for otheres we have to go behind them topay. some debts are not paid at all.I am fighting everywhere for my husband because he never asks money anywhere. Money is not everything but it is important also . Today we can look after our staff nicely only because of money.I can look after my daughter nicely. but i cannot bring her back to health. These ae the fundamentals of life.

Jagadhodharaka Husband

My husband always is first to shoulder any problem of anybody. He has no priorities towards his family. A very rich person comes from Bangalore and uses our vehicle our driver wherever he goes. All the relatives come from Bombay and they just use our vehicle and not even once any person has put petrol. Any land dispute he s there to help. so totally he is not in shop. so there is financial crisis. Most of the sales are credit based. Some credit bills get paid. But most of the time some pay after doing lot of discount and some do not pay at all.  One person who has taken goods from shop has been divorced so husband says wife should pay and wife says husband should pay. A well known rich person who owns a temple is sick with parkinsons and he can barely talk or walk so his son is hanldling the project he says he will pay but has not paid so far. one persons owes us nearly 4 lakhs but he is bankrupt. A persons who owes nearly 3 lakhs died suddenly and wife tells she will pay after selling property. one person has a bar and owes us money says he will pay after selling property.                 And mu husband is so superstistious even after being so educated. A few days back some sadhus had come to our house saying they heard about my daughter and have come to cure my daughter and take our problems with them . they cut one lemon sqeezed the juice of the lemon and the told I will take all your problems with me. and he put the lemon in his bag. then he demanded 32000 rupees . My husband told me to bring the amount. i told him the are some dongi sanyasis (false sanyasis) . We will just hand them over to police. but my husband will not listen. I asked my sister in laws so for help. but nobody helped. So quietly I handed over the money to husband .

EAR HOLE STICHED

Mom went to hospital got herself checked . Everything was okay . so she came home. I had a appointment with Dr Anand kini a pastic surgeon . He had a major surgery. So we had to wait for 2 hours . Sometimes it is a matter of life and death. So I can understand. We have to value human life. Everything else is secondary. I got my ear hole stiched.

Mother hospitalised again

There seems to be no end to moms problem. She had radiation therapy. Then she had water in lungs. Again hospitalised. After getting water removed from her lungs she came home. She came home stayed home for two days .Suddenly today she noticed blood stains when she visited wash room. by after noon after bath again there were blood stains. We wasted no time. Immediately Kavi contacted doctor and he told to come immediately. Now she is in hospital. every time she goes to hospital I always think  will it be the last time I see her? she has to suffer so much. She is a very brave lady.She doesn't cry. How can I live without you mummy? I need you very much.

My world begins and ends with you sushmitha

Sushmitha has cataract in her eyes. Nobody knows how much she can see or how much she can perceive. But as a mother I cannot work like that. If she can see a bit or if she is benefitted a little also that makes a differe.
      I have a picture in mind of little Sushmitha . I cannot bear the the thought that she cannot see. I  will do whatever it takes for her to see. She has cataract in both her eyes. Mom does not seem ok after the radiation therapy. I want the world to stop.My world begins and ends with you Sushmitha.

SUSHMITHA HAS CATARACT OPERATION AND MOM HAD RADIATION THERAPY FOR LIVER CANCER MOM YOU DIDN'T TEACH ME TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU

There seems to be no end to problems. Sushmitha was diagonised to have cataract and since Rotary karkala didn't have all the facilities we got the cataract operation done in Mangalore. Priyanka my daughter in law did not come to see my daughter after the operation nor did she contact me after the operation. I was very hurt. it is only in such a  situation that you realise how a person is. I really love her. actually i loved her more than my son. But it was Anil who stood by me everytime Sushmitha was in hospital.

       Any human being should try to help anybody who is helpless however much you can and you should be honest regarding money dealings. This defines a person I feel. Also a person should be able to forgive others for their mistakes. I may not be nice to people. but if I scold somebody then it is for their own good. I cannot see them going wrong. that is what I am.

        Mom underwent radiation surgery. I told her mom you didn't teach me how to live without you. so please have the operation and get healed. I want you at any cost. SHE IS A FIGHTER.

MY PRECIOUS ANGEL

MY PRECIOUS ANGEL

From the day you were born and the time I held you close

I knew in my joyfull heart you are my precious angel

I love you my precious angel

You are my special LITTLE GIRL

O God please remember it is my little girl's birthday

Memories don't go away

years don't take away the joy you have brought

Or the sadness I feel to see you like this(bedridden)

I miss your voice 

I miss your laughter

O baby, can you hear me?

I hope there is a miracle

Get well soon and we will play

with all your toys and friends all day

You will have so much fun 

I will make sure there is lots of sun

You will chose what to do

My heart still aches with sadness 

MY SILENT TEARS STILL FLOW 

No one really knows 

They say that time is a healer

And life has to go on

BUT MY LIFE IS  NEVER THE SAME AGAIN

I PROMISE TO BE ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE UNTILL THE FINAL BREATH I TAKE

No matter how old you are or I am

I want to be the best mom to you

YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME