OH MY DEAR SON I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU TILL ETERNITY. I LOVE AS MUCH AS I LOVE SUSHMITHA

I never want anything in life anymore. I have the award for lifetime. I have always tried and put forth efforts in every relationship as a mother, as a daughter,as a wife. I get reprimanded everytime. It hurts me me because when you are genuine and when what you want is just recognition of your work it matters.

           So when I found today words written by Anil(son) on the wall " You are wonderfull mom. I love you. He had written these when he came to karkala last time. I felt I got the award I wanted.I got tears in my eyes. My heart was full.I can face any difficulty.Oh my dear son you are far away studying but I miss you and love you both(sushmitha and you) till eternity. I miss you so much I see you in every person of your age. 

I BELIEVE WE NEED NOT GO TO TEMPLE TO SEE GOD. WHENEVER YOU HELP A PERSON IN DIFFICULTY YOU ARE PERFORMING POOJA.

I like to work for a cause. I don't believe in going to temples to see God. Because I feel God dwells in the heart of human beings and whenever you help a needy person you are performing a pooja.God does not need a golden door. Whenever I see any person who is in difficulty I try to help them as much as I can. Because I know how helpless a person can be in their difficulty.My kitchen helper was not well. I took her to hospital and found that she had high sugar level also also her chest X-ray showed she had sever chest infection. I got her treated. Doctor told her to come daily so that he can check her sugar level and bring it down. Next there was another girl who needed dental treatment. I took her to KMC Manipal because root canal treatment in karkala very costly. About 3000 for one teeth. She had many cavities and fill ups.I  feel whenever a person stays with us then they are our children and our responsibility. But they don't feel the same regard. They have hurt me many times and I have always forgiven them whether they are nurses or my mother.
Sometimes when I go to some function and have lunch I remember Sushmitha and feel sad. I see children of Sushmi's age and feel some kind of heart ache.

CARING ANGEL IN OUR LIFE.

Most doctors understand medicine. Most doctors understand surgeries. Most doctors understand diagnosis. But there are only few doctors like Dr Pushpa Kini who understand the most important of them all - a patients suffering. For me she is no less than God. She is a source of inspiration. She is a caring angel.She is a ray of hope. She is a life savior. She is more than just a human being. This I write from the bottom of my heart.

FEELING EMPTY ON DIWALI DAY

On Diwali there was celebration everywhere specially in our shop. On request of Sushmitha's nurses we lighted diyas, burned crackers, and brought diwali lamps. I was feeling empty inside inspite of having my sister on Diwali. Anil was far away studying in Allahabad and Sushmitha  in bed ridden state But I want the nurses to be happy. so I brought them new clothes, new shoes and golden ornaments. I just want them to be happy. At least I should be happy I have assistance in looking after Sushmitha. I console myself saying atleast I can take care off her well the way I want to.
.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY CHILD, LOVE YOU ALWAYS

Happy Birthday my child, Be my child in all the janmas, life is not the same anymore. I feel so helpless for not being able to do anything for your condition. Wish there will be a miracle and wish I could take you to eat your favorite masalapoori.I will always remain indebted to Dr Pushpa Kini and my sister Anitha for their support throught. I am also greatfull to my mom and all the nurses and house staffs for taking care of Sushmitha.

SUSHMITHA YOU ARE MY ANGEL AND YOU ARE MINE.

Sushmi you are my angel and you are mine alone, I have been with you since before your birth. I will stand by you as long as I am on this earth. I want you to hold you in my arms and hear you say amma.On june 2Oth you will complete fifteen years and on june 23rd you went to coma four years back.Sometimes I feel so helpless for not being able to do anything for your condition.But I love you.

COMPLETING TWENTY FIVE YEARS OF MARRIAGE

On May 8th we completed twenty five years of togetherness(marriage). Everybody was forcing us to celebrate. There is no meaning to celebrations when your child is in bed ridden. Even my elder brother in law completed fifty years of marriage. We did a small function in their house. There was a small get together. Even people poured us with gifts. It is not the gifts that matter. It is the well wishes and hidden love which really matters.People were forcing me to attend rathosava. I didn't want to go.Because Sushmitha liked going  to Samaradhane(meals) in the temple. How can I go without her.Her awake schedule is also changed now. She remains awake at night. Sometimes I sit till two or two thirty. Sometimes I cannot. We Just change her and then I go back to sleep. By morning if she is awake we will be changing her many times.