YOU ARE ALL WHAT i HAVE BABY

I feel nobody needs me. My husband keeps scolding and quarrelling for no reason at all. My mother keeps nagging whole day. I don't know what is my fault. before mum used to get angry with me because I used to go out to Chethana School to help the gods special children. My husband doesn't like anything I do. They are not trying to improve Sushmitha and they think simply i am troubling her. But how can I stop trying? I know my trying may not be what u want. i may be selfish. But you are all what I have baby. Nobody supports me. So I don't want to live in this world where always people find fault with me. You are all what I have baby, You are what I have and wish not to loose and if I loose you for some reason I wish that will be the end of my life.

FOLLOWING SIMPLE COMMANDS AND SUDDENLY FOR SOME DAYS LESS RESPONSIVE

Sushmitha seemed to follow some simple commands. Illi nodu-( look here) she follows most of the time. Look at mother also she does. Jeeb Dakayi she does. Open your mouth she has started following. open your mouth she sometimes does. Open your eyes sometimes she obeys. Lollipop nodu she looks. I feel she understands it is for eating. She sees it and sometimes follows it. But suddenly whe she started doing all this her sleep cycle got changed. She is sleepy during morning hours when she used to be most responsive. One look she looks at me when amma nodu command given I feel so happy and i don't want anything else in the world. I now have the strength for anything.

SISTER TELLS ME TO SLOW DOWN

Today Anitha my sister called and told me that she had spoken to somebody about Sushmitha's condition and the person told her that today Sushmitha is alive only because I am holding on to her. And I want her to get better for my sake.But maybe this is not what she wants. Maybe she is too tired and wishes to take rest. She might have body pains also. In foriegn countries they just keep such patients under sedation. Sometimes her body may require rest and I should give that to her. Anitha says it doesn't mean that I should stop trying just give her minimal physiotheraphy and not overdo it. She says at this point of time most of the people give up and she is happy I am not. But I feel there are positive changes like look at your mother she turns her head and looks at me. Look here she turns to whowever calls. Opens her mouth on command. Shows her tongue on command. So I cannot give up at this stage. You are all I have baby. I will never let you go. The thought that you can recognise me as your mother is enough and this can keep me going for the rest of my life. Onde ondu sari kanna munde bare. Today you turned your head to look at me and i am happier today.

HUSBAND SAYS I HAVE TO ANSWER GOD

Sushmitha again is sleeping heavily. So I cannot give much stimulations. Anitha came from USA and she says there is certainly some change in her. There is some response coming but you cannot gueswsher level of perception. My husband says we are doing much physio so I am not giving her enough rest so I have to answer God. I don't mind answering him but let him first answer my question first. Why is punishing my innocent child? and my husband is not at all spending 5 minutes in a day with the child. She has so much pain in her body and she was moaning a lot 2 days back. I also fear that nursing physiotheraphy all these things are so costly whether I will be able to look after her in the future in the same way we are doing now. Sunila from speech taught me the importance of association and signature. Every person has a different signature. Similarly every person should identify themselves in differnt ways. Like she has a seperate way of touching patients like squeezing their hand and so the patient identifies her and another person can pinch her cheek so that she will know that it is that person. And in association she is thought to associate the spoon with food. First touching her mouth with spoon and giving command to open her mouth. Then giving her food so that when spoon is brought near her mouth she will know that food is coming. And she told me to give Sushmitha small commands like open ur mouth, See here(Illi nodi) which she is already doing and don't do this-like don't bite your teeth.I liked it. From morning I start stimulations and i don't take rest but I get constant scolding from mom if I am late for feed, from my husband for always stimulating her and from Watson sir because he thinks we are not waking her up and not stimulating her. It is becoming very difficult to wake her up these days. She sleeps all the time and my sister says I cannot do much about it.

AMMA NODU(LOOK AT YOUR MOTHER) SHE LOOKS AT ME

Sushmitha's nurse Sushmitha and she turned to her direction and then she asked amma nodu she looked at me. I was very happy. She asked again and again she looked at me. Again next day also she obeyed command amma nodu. The next day she got up from sleep and laughed at me. I can spend my whole lifetime now happily. Her one smile has given lot of strength. I don't want anything anymore. After a long time I can sleep peacefully.

GOLDEN WORDS BY Dr PUSHPA KINI-IF YOUR PRESENCE IS MAKING DIFFERENCE IN SOMEBODY'S ( SUSHMITHA'S) LIFE THEN DO IT.

When you get emotional support it will help you to move forward. Dr pushpa Kini also said Geetha when there is happiness everybody gives support but in times like this only few remain with you. very true. Even I remember neuro surgery Dr Muralidhar Pai telling me If certain things are going to happen they will even if you don't do anything and if they cannot happen they will not even if you do anything. I think what he meant was if in Sushmitha's destiny recovery is written she will recover without us doing anything. After coming home Sushmitha vomited manytimes. May be all the antibiotics are increasing her acidity. I phoned to Doctor and she told me to give pantodec till the day antibiotics are given.I don't want anything in life. If I ask god I know he will not give. Atleast let him help me in looking after her nicely in future as i do now. Even he should give us finnancial stability also. Because these physiotherapy sections are certainly very costly.